Tags
childhood, contemporary writer, fitting in, Four-eyed girl, life, LifeBook, little story, love, RiJie, tired
Do you ever have a feeling that you are not at your place? That you do not belong, do not fit in…And nothing can be done to change the situation.
You just wait for a year or two, and then boom!
You are no longer you anymore. You have changed. You became crueler.
You start to hate everything, everyone, every detail, every day…
You hate your life.
People around you make you believe you are worthless, you cannot do anything. You cannot achieve anything. And at a point you start to believe that you are a complete failure.
And then boom! You explode. And you decide to change everything. ”There is only one option- to get on a plane and go far, far away, to find some place that no one knows you. And start a new life without consequences, without fear, without the past”. The first thing I always tell myself is not to fight anymore. I am neither a looser nor a worthless one. But I feel this way very often. And sometimes I even don’t want to fight anymore against the life and people around me. But then suddenly I find some inspiration, powers from nowhere to raise and shine, to fight, to become the unstoppable one I used to be.
When I was at school I couldn’t fit in as I was best in everything. Seriously, I cannot imagine how I did that stuff. I was good at any class; I was the best dancer, actor, writer, narrator. Well, I couldn’t sing at all but I liked. All I did was achieving medal after medal, letters of appreciation. And almost everyone around me knew I am a big deal and one day I will be the best in the sphere I choose as my profession. I wasn’t proud of myself. I wasn’t showing off. But people around me considered me as a queen who can do anything.
Well, I thought that anyone can achieve anything he or she wants. And I am convinced that it’s like this till now. You just need some hard work. Maybe a little talent will help too but that’s not a big deal. All you need is hard work. And nothing else!
When I was at university I decided that I need to apply for a work. It was hard at the beginning. I wanted to quit. I wanted to cry. People around me were convincing me I couldn’t achieve anything. Even my parent, who left me when I was 15-16, was convinced that I would achieve nothing. But I went against them all.
Looking back to those years I finally found some peace.
A difficult choice is behind me. Will I succeed? People around me tell me I won’t. But it doesn’t matter. I cannot fit in. But I will succeed no matter how hard you make me believe I won’t….
RiJie 